Wednesday, July 17, 2013

holding firm to letting go

It is a little weird quitting your job to become a stay-at-home mom. My days are full of baby care, baby teaching, baby playing, then also managing the house, making phone calls, keeping appointments, cleaning, cooking, working out, errand running, gardening, etc. Yet none of this earns an income. My now full-time job has no salary, no PTO, no commute. It has some similarities to my former career: some days I love it and feel incredibly blessed to call this my job, while other days it's a drain and I wish I could call in sick [particularly on days when I am, in all actuality, sick].

Some days the lack of earning income bothers me. I realize my job is very important, but that saying feels like a cop-out when I'm believing lies that tell me I’m a leech. But when I attempt income earning pursuits, it doesn’t feel right. It either fails, or I can’t get the motivation to work on it, or I feel unrest about even pursuing it. That's when God seems to be telling me,
“Be still, Lisa, and know that I am God. Know that I will provide for you. Know that I called you to this life. The job I have given you is to raise up my child in the way she should go. Shower her with love and discipline. Teach her my Truth. That is your job, and it's not a light one." 

So I will cherish this time. I won't be an impressive businesswoman, I won't be earning a full-time income out of my home while my daughter naps or plays. The women that do, I salute you. I don't know how you do it, but I won't feel guilty for being different than you. I won't feel lazy or less than. Instead I'm going to rest fully in the knowledge that I'm right where God wants me, and when that changes, He'll let me know.

And the days I do find time to work on a digital scrapbook or design shirts for my husband's brainchild (Happy Nerd Shirts), I'll soak that in, too. I truly love designing, but it just isn't going to be a full-time thing right now. At this point, our daughter is 9 months old, I'm loving staying at home with her, and that is where I'm meant to be.

1 comment:

  1. I believe this is a decision you will never regret! They'll be good and bad days, but in the end the good will prevail.